you gotta be kiddin me!

1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas wasawarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking herankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside afurniture store. The owners of the store wereunderstandably surprised at the verdict, considering themisbehaving little so-and-so was her own son.2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won$74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran overhis hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparentlydidn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car,when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol,Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finishedrobbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get thegarage door to go up since the automatic door opener wasmalfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because thedoor connecting the house and garage locked when hepulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dicksonfound himself locked in the garage for eight days. Hesubsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag ofdry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claimingthe situation caused him undue mental anguish. The juryagreed to the tune of half a million dollars.4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansaswas awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after beingbitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour'sbeagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner'sfenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because thejury felt the dog might have been just a little provokedat the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedlywith a pellet gun.5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to payAmber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after sheslipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beveragewas on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at herboyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delawaresuccessfully sued the owner of a night club in aneighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window tothe floor and knocked out her two front teeth. Thisoccurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through thewindow in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 covercharge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.And the winner is:Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000,Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebagomotor home. On his first trip home, having joined thefreeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmlyleft the drivers seat to go into the back and make himselfa cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left thefreeway, crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski suedWinnebago for not advising him in the handbook that hecouldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plusa new Winnie. (Winniebago actually changed theirhandbooks on the back of this court case, just in casethere are any other complete morons buying theirvehicles.)